Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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