I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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