just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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