After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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