New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
