k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
