Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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