we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
