She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
