sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
someone threw a dead crab at me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
