So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
