You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
