Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
