I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
