she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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