I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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