is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
