she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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