I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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