i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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