you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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