Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I only lived at night.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
