I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize