So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
