she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
