I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
