you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
