He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
