I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
