3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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