hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
