You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
