Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
