I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
