then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
