I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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