You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
