i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
