i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
