I just cut my nipple shaving
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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