So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
