Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
