take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
