remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
