There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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