she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
