i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
