If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
