Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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