I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
