now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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