i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
