who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i believe in u and ur pee
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
