i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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