HIV tests are more positive than that guy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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