I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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