I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
