I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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