Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im six kinds of drunk right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
