In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
