Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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