I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was born a porn star she said
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
