I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
