Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
