we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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