he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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