Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
