I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
