oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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