I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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