I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
