My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
