why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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