weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
