every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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