Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize