let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
