their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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