Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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