DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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